Wednesday 28 November 2012

The Disputed Cause of Rising CO2

Just a few years ago your eyes would have literally burned out from looking directly at this image. Today it is safe only because the Ice Age is coming.

There has been a recent upsurge of interest in denying humans are causing CO2 levels to rise. To help I thought I would type a quick cheat sheet for aspiring climate deniers.

Things That Must Not Be Blamed For Rising CO2
  1. Human fossil fuel emissions
Things That Can Be Blamed Instead
  1. Mauna Loa. A Big Volcano where scientists deliberately measure CO2.
  2. Underwater Volcanoes. Scientists admit they haven't even found Atlantis yet so how can they possibly know how many CO2 spewing volcanoes are underwater?
  3. Global Warming. Ice cores show the CO2 rise is caused by warming (remember to temporarily accept the validity of ice cores and the global temperature records).
  4. ENSO. Same way the Moon causes sea level rise.
  5. The Oceans. The oceans emit vast amounts of CO2 into the atmosphere every year. Just make sure not to mention how much they absorb. 
  6. The Chinese. If the Chinese did it no-one can tax blame us.
  7. Mars. CO2 from Mars's frozen ice caps have melted and are slowly seeping through the aether into Earth's atmosphere.
  8. The Sun. That burning Sun must give off a lot of exhaust fumes.
Why not use a few of these on your favorite blog? Why not use them all? They are all just as good.